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Where should you make your home base when you visit Nashville? This is the first but most important question you must answer when planning your trip. Ask yourself what you plan to spend most of your time doing and then pick a location closest to most of the sights you want to see. Downtown: Usually the main focus of a visit to Nashville is bar crawling the honky tonks on Broadway. If this is your plan, or if you are attending a concert or sporting event at Bridgestone Arena or Nissan Stadium, you will want to stay in the central downtown area. There are many hotel choices downtown, but the prices tend to be a bit higher due to the prime location. The trade off is being able to walk a block or two to many of Nashville's attractions. This convenience will come in handy after a full day of sightseeing or bar hopping to listen to all the great music. I highly recommend the Drury Plaza Hotel Nashville Downtown. The location is fantastic and an added bonus is the incredible free hot breakfast as well as the free snacks and drinks at the 5:30 Kickback every day. The breakfast is more substantial than the usual free breakfast offered in hotels. They provide fresh scrambled eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy, oatmeal, a waffle station and a cook making pancakes in adorable Music City shapes! The afternoon "snacks" include a full on dinner buffet with alfredo pasta, grilled chicken, garden salad and soup. You also get a punch card for three free drinks every day during your stay (cocktails, wine or beer!). Unfortunately we were usually out and about around 5:30 every day so only took advantage of the Kickback on the first day, but it was there if we wanted it. It can be a good way to keep your spending down as you can potentially cover two meals and drinks everyday! The Gulch: The first time I visited Nashville I stayed in an Airbnb in The Gulch. The Gulch is a newer upscale area with chic boutiques and trend-setting restaurants. It is a great place to stay, especially if you don't plan to spend a majority of your time on Broadway. Broadway is only a quick 15 minute walk away, but The Gulch is definitely removed from the craziness of the main downtown area if you prefer a more low key vibe. The Gulch is where the famous "What Lifts You Up" Wings mural is located for that perfect Nashville Insta moment. There are only a few hotels in this area, so you will most likely be staying in an Airbnb if you want to stay in The Gulch. The Airbnb I stayed in was spacious and had a well-equipped kitchen where I made breakfast and could keep leftovers to eat the next day. It was a comfortable space to decompress after days jam packed with sightseeing and bar hopping. Either location is a great place to stay. You will be able to easily get back and forth between each area, so you really can't go wrong. Basically, if you would prefer a hotel Downtown has more options. If you like spreading out in a more homey space with a kitchen, an Airbnb in The Gulch will be perfect for you! No matter what, I guarantee you will have an amazing time in Nashville!

There is so much to do in Nashville, you might think that you will not have any time for shopping. But that would be a mistake! There are several places you will want to check out in order to pick up those special gifts for family or friends left at home or that special something that will always remind you of your incredible trip to Nashville! The Gulch: You can find some of the usual chain stores like Urban Outfitters and Lululemon in The Gulch, but you can also find chic boutiques that have unique vibes with trendy clothing and home decor items. One store in particular that I loved was Kittenish, a very pink and very girly boutique owned by Jesse James Decker. The branding in the store was on-point and the prices were reasonable. Not to mention the confidence-building wall mural that says "You're like, really pretty!" It is just fun to shop there! There is also a store in The Gulch called Paddywax Candle Bar where you can sip mimosas and make your own candle with a variety of fragrances to choose from. Also make note that the Insta-famous Nashville wings photo spot is located in The Gulch so make time to snap that shot and include the hashtags #WhatLiftsYou #NashvilleGulch when you post it on Instagram. Marathon Village: Marathon Village is a stop on the Old Town Trolley route. Marathon Motor Works is an old automobile factory that has been transformed into a unique retail complex. Stores here include Antique Archaeology (owned by American Picker's star Mike Wolfe), Jack Daniels and Harley Davidson stores that sell licensed merchandise, souvenir shops, an olive oil shop and a distillery and winery that offer tastings. In addition to the stores, there are artifacts from the auto manufacturing history that line the halls giving the location a unique and interesting feel. The half an hour time between Trolleys gives you just enough time to check out this area and hop back on to continue your Trolley tour. Broadway: Mixed in along the honky tonks on Broadway are stores that sell authentic cowboy apparel like boots and hats. They are ready to outfit you so you can fit in with the crowd. There is also upscale shopping right outside the Assembly Food Hall on 5th and Broadway with stores like Free People, Sephora, the Apple Store, Ariat and the Nash Collection (where I found my really cute NASH sweatshirt to remember my trip!). Let me know if you know of any other cute stores to check out on my next visit to Nashville. I always make time to fit in a little retail therapy!

You will most definitely be doing a lot of drinking in Nashville, so it is important to make sure you are eating enough to absorb that alcohol (or nurse that hangover). Most of the honky tonks on Broadway also serve food so that is your easiest solution. But you may want a break from the honky tonk craziness so you will want to find somewhere else to grab a bite. Here are some of the best-known food establishments in Nashville that you will want to check out: Prince's Hot Chicken or Hattie B's: Nashville is known for its' hot chicken, so you have to try it at least once while you are here. Prince's Hot Chicken is the original hot chicken restaurant. Hattie B's appears to be the most popular. At every Hattie B location there is a long line of customer's waiting to get a taste of the local favorite. Hattie B's has levels of hotness so you don't have to feel left out if your palate doesn't appreciate spicy. Their levels are described as Southern (No Heat), Mild (A Touch of Heat), Medium (Warming Up), Hot! (Feel the Heat), Damn Hot!! (Fire Starter), and Shut the Cluck Up!!! (Burn Notice). How brave are you? Hattie B's also has several other traditional southern foods on their menu so there is something for everyone. Assembly Food Hall: Assembly Food Hall is located on 5th and Broadway so it is a perfect place to grab a bite to eat while cruising up and down Broadway at the honky tonks. Assembly Food Hall has over 30 different eateries (including locations for Hattie B's and Prince's Hot Chicken), bars and three stages so you don't have to miss any live music while you eat. My friend got sushi and I got a wood fired pizza, so you can see the extent of the choices available. It is a great place to go if you are with a group because you can avoid the prolonged discussion about where you should eat when everyone is in the mood for something different. All the different options can be found here. .Biscuit Love: Biscuit Love is located in The Gulch and unfortunately I have never been because there is always a SUPER long line! I have included it in this blog because the consistent long lines are a sign that it must be pretty good. Biscuit Love is a local family-owned business that serves biscuits and breakfast. They started in 2012 with food trucks and now have three brick and mortar restaurants. Their location in The Gulch is open daily from 7:00 am to 3:00 pm. My recommendation if you really want to try one of their award winning biscuits is to get up early and hopefully beat the line. Good luck! Milk and Honey: Milk and Honey is another breakfast place in The Gulch. I got one of the best chocolate croissants in my life from Milk and Honey on my first visit. This time I tried the almond croissant and it was just as spectacular. They have sit down restaurant with a substantial menu, but again long lines have foiled my plans to check out the sit down options. I was "forced" to stick with the walk-up bakery options. Can't say I was disappointed. Goo Goo Chocolate Co.: Goo Goo Clusters are Nashville's Official Candy. The store is located across from the Johnny Cash Museum and Bar. You can buy a variety of premade Goo Goo Clusters or you can design your own personal Goo Goo Cluster that will be made while you wait. The personalized Goo Goo can be made with a variety of sweets and add ins to satisfy your own unique sweet tooth. Click here to start planning what you want to include in the *Insert Your Name Here* Goo Goo Cluster. We bought a few of the premade and each one was delicious! We tried the classic Pecan Goo Goo Cluster (pecans, caramel, and marshmellow nougat covered in milk chocolate), Lil Goos (peanuts, caramel and nougat covered in milk chocolate) and the PB&P Premium Goo Goo Cluster (peanut butter, caramel, and pretzels covered in dark chocolate). Another Nashville original you don't want to miss! Yee Haw Brewery/Ole Smoky Distillery: While tasting moonshine or a flight of Yee Haw craft beers, you can order from a unique variety of tacos from White Duck Taco Shop. Check out the various options here. Helpful hint: My daughters told me that that went to grab some food at Ole Smoky a little later in the day and many tacos options weren't available because they had run out. Apparently daily quantities are limited so if you want to eat here, you may want to consider going earlier in the day. I had a Thai chicken taco with mango salsa and it was delcious! My friend opted for a fish taco and was happy with her choice. Daddy's Dogs also has space at this location in case a Tennessee famous hot dog is what you are in the mood for. Check out the menu options for Daddy's Dogs here. FGL House: As I noted above, many of the honky tonks also serve food. I have eaten at the FGL House (partly owned by the country music duo Florida Georgia Line) a couple of times and it was delicious both times. FGL House also has a great rooftop with live music (of course!) which makes a great location to have dinner. Check out the FGL House menu here. There are many other options for delicious food in Nashville, but this list should get you started while trying to scout the area for restaurants that tickle your fancy! Let me know if you discover any other restaurant gems that should be included on this short list! Bon appetit!

When you are in Tennessee you have to do like the natives do and drink some Tennessee Moonshine. My friend was looking to try some of the local craft beers as well, so we asked around to find our best options. A local suggested we check out the the Ole Smoky Distillery and it was a great recommendation! The Ole Smoky Distillery in Nashville has partnered with Yee Haw Brewing Company (one of Tennessee's top craft beer breweries) to occupy a great space on 6th and Peabody, just a short walk from lower Broadway. This fortunate partnership allowed us to taste moonshine and get craft beer at the same place! And there is so much more to do at this location. It has a huge beer garden area with rows of corn hole games and lots of seating. There are several large screen TV's for sports viewing and stages for live music. When you first walk into the Ole Smoky Distillery you are struck by the ceiling to wall display of all of the variety of flavors of Ole Smoky Moonshine and Whiskey. It is quite the sight! In addition to the traditional Moonshine made from a centuries old recipe developed when Moonshine was illegal, they have many other creative Moonshine flavors to tickle your taste buds...including Strawberry, Butter Pecan, Mountain Java, Apple Pie and White Chocolate Strawberry Cream. They also have Moonshine soaked Pickles, Cherries and Pineapples to add to your drink or food recipes to give them that extra kick! Flavored Whiskeys include Salted Carmel, Peanut Butter and Strawberry Lemonade. Ole Smoky Distillery offers a behind the scenes guided tour of the distillery and brewery operations. Tours are offered Monday through Thursday at 2:00, 3:00 and 4:00 (excluding holidays and weekends). You must book a reservation on-line for the guided tours and you have to be 21+ with a valid ID to participate in the included tastings. Find out more information and book your tour here. The cost is currently $44.95 for adults and $10 for children (must be at least 13 years old). The guided tour includes the following: Approximately one hour tour of on-side distillery and brewery along with a private 13 sample tasting of moonshine, whiskey and craft beer; Exclusive Tour T-Shirt (not available any where else!); $10 off Behind the Scenes Coupon to use on site in the store; 10% off coupon to use for on-site retail and merchandise (cannot be used for on-site food, cocktails or beer). If you aren't interested in the history of moonshine or how they make it and just want to get to the drinking part, you can do a walk in tasting. Tastings are available daily and no reservation is required. Just sidle up to the big bar in the middle of the room and start sipping! The cost for this "short tour" is $10. For that price you get a drink (either a Yee Haw craft beer or a seltzer) and several tastings of the flavored Ole Smoky Moonshine (flavors available for tasting may vary from day to day). After you complete the tasting you get a $10 coupon that you can use in the bar area for another drink or you can put it towards a purchase in the gift store (maybe some moonshine to take home?). So basically the tasting ends up being free...not to mention fun! We chose the "short tour" and sampled Blue Flame Moonshine (128 proof and basically tasted like Everclear-yuck!), Sour Cherry, Butter Pecan, Peanut Butter, and pickles and pineapples soaked in moonshine. After we did our tasting, we made our way over to the bar so my friend Christina could sample the Yee Haw craft beer. She bought a flight of brews to try and enjoyed trying the various styles of beer. After all this drinking you will want to grab something to eat. You are in luck as the Ole Smoky Distillery offers several different types of tacos from White Duck Taco that are reasonably priced. The location also provides other snacks and Nashville's famous Daddy's Dogs for purchase. One note, I told my daughters they should grab a quick bite here before heading to the honky tonks but when they got there a little later in the day there were limited taco selections available. It appears that there is a limited quantity and once it is gone, it will be unavailable. Based on this, if you want to plan to grab something to eat at Ole Smoky you should go earlier in the day. I would definitely recommend carving out some time when you are in Nashville to check this place out. It was fun trying different flavors of moonshine/whiskey and my friend got her craft beer experience at the same time. The tacos were delicious and the vibe was fun. Maybe next time I will do the full tour for a more in depth experience! If you have done the tour, please leave a comment and let me know what you thought about it.

Historic Market Square: The Historic Market Square is an area "where the culture of San Antonio comes alive". There are over 100 locally owned businesses located in the Historic Market Square that allow you to enjoy the sights and flavors of old Mexico. You can find authentic Mexican curios and artifacts, hand-crafted leather goods and hand-woven Mexican blankets for $10. After shopping you can enjoy authentic Mexican or Tex-Mex cuisine at one of the several restaurants in the Square. Or you can just enjoy an authentic Mexican churro with your choice of dipping sauce! Yum! A trip to San Antonio is not complete without a visit to the Historic Market Square (and it is a designated stop on the Hop On/Hop Off tour bus). Find more information on the Historic Market Square here. La Villita Historic Art Village: La Villita Historic Art Village is located on the southern bank of the River Walk and is easy to get to while strolling on the River Walk or after your tour of the Alamo. The "Little Village" is an artisan village that has been listed on the U.S. Government's National Register of Historic Places. The cobblestone streets are lined by historic architecture opening up into spacious outdoor plazas. La Villita has a storied history, but these days serves as a mecca for artisans and entrepreneurs selling their wares in over 25 boutiques and performers entertaining visitors at cultural events throughout the year. La Villita is the perfect place to find specialty gifts and unique mementos to remember your San Antonio experience. I bought a beautiful hand embroidered kaftan at Villa Tesoros that caught my eye and I get numerous compliments every time I wear it! Pearl Shopping District: Another stop on the Hop On/Hop Off Tour Bus is the Pearl Shopping District. It is a little out of the way, so if you don't do the Tour Bus you will have to have transportation to get here if you don't want to hike all the way over from the River Walk area. If you do choose to go, you will find a lovely open shopping and dining plaza anchored by Pearl Brewery and the Culinary Institute of America. There are several different retailers located around the plaza that sell an eclectic mix of items from books, kitchen wares, free trade artisan crafts, home decor and clothing. There are also a number of different restaurants to choose from aside from the Brewery. On the weekends they have a large Farmer's Market with Saturdays dedicated to local farmers and ranchers and Sundays featuring local artisans. Definitely check out all that the Pearl Shopping District has to offer and plan to make a stop during your stay. Of course there are also larger chain stores around San Antonio, but since I can get to most of these places where I live I always seek out the local stores where I can pick up that perfect thing to remind me of my trip. You will certainly find that special memento at one of the places listed in this blog. Happy shopping!

If you find yourself in downtown San Antonio, you must take yourself to La Panaderia Bakery and Cafe. La Panaderia is owned by two brothers who grew up baking bread and pan dulce with their mother in Mexico. They decided to share their Mexican heritage and love of baking with their San Antonio community by opening the cafe in 2014. They had so many delicious choices it was hard to choose! Madison and I went with our sweet tooths and ordered a Chocolate Croissant and a Tequila Almond Croissant to share. That was a good decision because they were both incredible! I would have been disappointed to miss out on either. They were so fresh and flaky and had the perfect amount of filling. Yum! There are many other selections on the menu and they have several savory choices as well if sugar in the morning is not your thing. They have avacado toast, egg sandwiches (on flaky homemade croissants), eggs benedictine and other brunch items. They also have desserts if you want to pick up something for a sweet treat after a day of sightseeing! Link to the menu here so you can peruse your choices beforehand and not feel the pressure when you are standing in line and have to make a quick choice when its your turn. Believe me, the choice is not easy with all of the delicious optons. I know you will not be disappointed with a trip to La Panaderia! Let me know what you tried...it will help me make my choice next time I am in town.

Domingo is an open-air restaurant located beneath the Canopy by Hilton San Antonio Riverwalk where I stayed. The vibe is cool and relaxed, enhanced by the open air concept. The patio of Domingo is right on the River Walk so you can watch the boats float up and down the river and the people strolling along the River Walk. Domingo serves breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner and is the perfect spot for a romantic dinner, a family gathering or drinks with friends. I was there for a lovely mother-daughter dinner with Madison. Going to Domingo for dinner enhances the cozy ambiance with the lights of the Riverwalk creating a great atmosphere. Domingo serves Mexican dishes with South Texas flavors. Check out the menu here. Madison had the Grilled Adobo Chicken Tacos and said they were delicious. I had a basic Caesar salad and it was great...perfect ratio of dressing to lettuce! We split the Skillet Cornbread made with cheddar, zucchini, and green chiles and served with honey butter. It was AMAZING! While the food is definitely noteworthy, it is the drinks that add to the experience and create a memorable experience. The drinks are "agave forward beverages" that are styled with edible flowers creating a drink almost too pretty to drink...notice I said almost. I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner experience at Domingo. From the location to the beautiful drinks and the delicious food it was wonderful evening. Check it out!

When you visit Austin, it can be confusing looking for a place to stay. There are several different "Districts" in downtown Austin that each have their own distinct vibe. You should pick a hotel or Air Bnb that is located in the District that is closest to the Austin sights you are most interested in. Here is a brief summary of some of the more popular entertainment Districts: Congress Ave Historical District: Congress Avenue runs through the center of downtown Austin from Lady Bird Lake to the Texas State Capitol. Hotels in this area will be close to the Texas State Capitol and government offices as well as Austin's central business district. South Congress Avenue (or "SoCo" as the locals call it) will probably be on your Austin To Do List because of its unique shops and restaurants. Sixth Street Entertainment District: This is the hub of Austin nightlife and has been dubbed "Dirty Sixth" by locals. There are many bars and restaurants and lots of nightly activity. Sixth Street is closed off to traffic from Thursday through Saturday night to accommodate crowds. Rainey Street District: Rainey Street is a trendy party area with colorful historic homes that have been converted to restaurants and bars. Red River Cultural District: Apparently this is the live music hub and where I should have stayed to check out why Austin is called "The Live Music Capital of the World"! Second Street District: This area is known as downtown Austin's shopping hub and is filled with local boutiques and trendy fashion shops. If you are looking for a retail fix, this is your spot! There are several other distinct Districts within the downtown area. I have just highlighted a few of the more popular ones. Check out Austin's Tourism site for a more complete description of all of the areas so you can determine which location is right for you! I was visiting with my daughter and we stayed at the Driskill Hotel. The Driskill Hotel was built in 1886 and is the oldest operating hotel in Austin. Just like the Biltmore in Providence which I talked about here, the Driskill is rumored to be haunted. The incident that is responsible for one of the hauntings apparently happened in a room right down the hall from where we were staying! Alas (or thankfully, depending on your perspective), we did not experience any paranormal activity during our stay. If I keep staying in old, haunted hotels, I am bound to have a ghostly visitor someday! In any event, the Driskill Hotel is a beautiful building with a prime location right on Sixth Street so it is only a few short steps to rowdy nightlife if that's on your agenda. It is also easy walking distance to Congress Street and the Texas State Capitol. There are two great on-site dining locations to visit if you stay at the Driskill. The 1886 Cafe and Bakery is a quaint Victorian-style cafe attached to the Driskill Hotel. They are open until 2 pm every day for brunch. They serve traditional Texas comfort food made with time-honored recipes like Helen Corbitt's Cheese Soup, a Texas-shaped pecan waffle, and of course fried chicken, a Texas classic. The 1886 Cafe uses locally sourced ingredients for all its recipes. Check out their menu here. We had a delicious breakfast there one morning before heading out to explore Austin. The Driskill Bar is located right off the lobby up a grand staircase. A past winner of Southern Living's "Best Bar in Texas" award, this richly decorated space has live music nightly. It opens at 2 pm daily and serves cocktails, appetizers and dinner entrees. Check out the menu and live music schedule here. We were only in town for a couple of days and had a jam-packed schedule so I didn't get a chance to check out this award-winning bar. I want to go back to Austin to check out the live music scene I missed, so I will definitely stay at the Driskill again and make sure to check out the Driskill Bar. Maybe I will have a ghostly visitor next time!

If you are a middle-aged person (or just a connoisseur of good music), you may be aware of a song titled "Bittersweet" by Big Head Todd and the Monsters. I loved this band back in the day and I particularly loved this song. I would belt the lyrics to the chorus from the top of my lungs whenever it came on. "It's bittersweet. More sweet than bitter, bitter than sweet. It's a bittersweet surrender." I didn't realize the wisdom of these words at the time, but have come to realize that they describe most of life's experiences. But not only that, as the song indicates, it is necessary to surrender to both sides of the bittersweet feeling in order to live a full beautiful life. I had the opportunity to really explore this topic during the past week as the universe bombarded me with examples of how the bitter and sweet of life play out. My week started with a phone call from Taylor, my youngest, who will be graduating from college in May. She was expressing her feelings about being ready to be done with college and move on to the next phase of her life, but she also felt sad about leaving college behind and wondering if she had fully taken advantage of the experience. I told her that her such a mixture of feelings is quite normal whenever we experience a transition in our life. But do we really ever stop to think about the duality of what we are feeling? The mixture of happy and sad feelings is unsettling. If we feel sad about leaving something behind, we may question if we are genuinely happy about what is coming next. This is uncomfortable so we generally just ignore the sad and focus on the happy. The second bittersweet message came to me at a yoga class the following day when the instructor advised that the mantra for the class was "It is like this AND also like this." She was talking about paying attention to how our bodies were feeling in particular poses and note that a pose can feel challenging to one part of our body, but also be relaxing and calming to another part. Again, a juxtaposition of two distinctly different feelings at the same moment. But she also told us that this experience of competing feelings is something we also face in life and we need to learn to observe, acknowledge and embrace all the feelings that arise within us in order to learn and grow from a situation. The final universal nudge came when I was doing my walking meditation and listening to my favorite podcaster Brene Brown's Unlocking Us. Her episode this week featured Susan Cain who is an author and researcher who recently wrote a book entitled Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole. During the interview Ms. Cain explained that bittersweetness is a state of longing, poignancy, and sorrow, an acute awareness of passing time; paired with a curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world. It recognizes that light and dark, birth and death, bitter and sweet, are forever paired. She found that when we are confronted with experiences that have both a bitter and sweet element, we have two choices: Push away and ignore the bitterness, but doing this will most likely cause us to unconsciously inflict or transfer the bitterness to others; OR Accept that pain and joy, or bitter and sweet, go together and experience and feel them both in order to have a whole-hearted life. When there is pain that you can't get rid of, she recommends transforming it to something else as a creative or healing offering to others. Some do this by writing music, creating art, or writing poetry of sad stories. Taking Ms. Cain's advice, this particular blog is my effort to take some of difficult feelings I have experienced lately and create a healing offering. Perhaps my journey exploring bittersweet feelings will offer support or solace to someone going through their own challenging times. You are not alone in your struggles and should not feel guilty when you feel pain or sorrow in the midst of an otherwise joyous experience. It is a part of life's journey. One thing that became obvious to me in thinking about all of these messages I received this week, is that I am guilty of trying to avoid the bitterness and pain that should be a part of my life experience. Even though I think I am emotionally in touch, I frequently try to rush through the difficult parts. For instance, my instinct when my daughters share bittersweet feelings with me is to jump in and make it better. I focus on the positive feelings and while I acknowledge the validity of the sadness, I definitely downplay the negative side of the situation. I believe this is the tendency most people have as experiencing sad feelings is uncomfortable and generally seen as something to be avoided at all costs. This brushing past the hard part is Standard Operating Procedure in handling my own feelings as well. I do not ignore or suppress the difficult feelings, but I definitely try to expedite the handling of them. (Pro tip: This is not possible-it will take as long as it takes. Learned this the hard way!) During the past year, I have tried to rush and force my way through the emotional processing of my divorce and get to a point of being "OK". I frequently told people I was "fine" (which my therapist said really stands for "Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional"...pretty accurate.) I thought if I acknowledged that I still felt pain or sorrow that would mean I wasn't over it and wasn't moving on properly. To be honest, I really did feel "fine" most times, but then something small would trigger a large emotional response clearly indicating that the pain and sadness had not been fully acknowledged and released. I now see that this "toxic positivity" is not helpful nor is it beneficial to really experiencing joy. In this increasingly binary world, we feel like we need to identify and put a label on each situation as "happy", "sad", "exciting", "frustrating", etc. Often times experiences do not lend themselves to such an easy description. We do not have to feel one way to the exclusion of the other. We do not have to be absent of pain or sadness in order to feel happy. As my yoga teacher said "It is like this AND also like this." Moving forward, I will embrace experiencing bittersweet emotions. Getting divorced obviously involves many sad feelings. Loss of an important person in your life, loss of the future you had planned, disruption to the family unit and extended family relationships that have been built over the years, painful memories of past good times, new difficult situations, and a destruction of the foundation you had built your life on. However, these sad feelings do not take away from the many positive feelings that I have as well. I have created a new vision of my life that I am excited about, I have met many new people I would never have known if my life had continued on the same path, I have experienced tremendous self growth and empowerment and have reconnected with the inner spark I had lost along the way. I love the part-time job I have selling jewelry in my retirement. I learned that I am good at selling and actually really enjoy accessorizing with jewelry. My life now has freedom to consider possibilities that were closed to me before. Will I move back to San Diego to live my later years by the ocean and in the incredible weather I enjoyed when I was in law school? Maybe! Or will I return to my childhood home of Colorado? Perhaps! I am the captain of this ship and can steer it whichever way I feel inspired to go and that is joyful and exciting. But for the time being, the sad feelings still co-exist with the happy ones. And that's ok. It is my belief that the joy in our bittersweet moments cannot be fully appreciated unless we also encourage and allow the sad feelings in to provide the context. It is only by realizing and acknowledging what we have lost or what we are letting go of (a period of life, a moment, a person, an experience), that we can be truly free to enjoy what comes next. Embracing bittersweet feelings also encourages us to fully grab the joy in the current moment because we understand that these precious moments are fleeting and they too will pass on our way to new experiences. All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. -Anatole France

Recently I was hanging out with a group of women celebrating National Margarita Day (who knew it was even a thing?). Once we were a few flavored margaritas deep, we began discussing the trials and tribulations of being modern day women at approximately the mid point in our life journey. Otherwise known as middle age. We all had very different life situations, but one thing was clear. We had all spent a majority of our life taking care of other people. We all agreed that we took on this responsibility willingly and with joy. The pride with which we caretake was evident in the passion and depth of emotion we showed when talking about the important people in our lives. The problem with this primary focus on making sure others in our life are properly taken care of, is that we are often last on the list. We run out of steam and time before we have a chance to turn the spotlight on ourselves. Again, most of us don't begrudge this choice and it is just part of being a "mom" and a "wife". However, we all eventually reach a point where the chaos quiets and we are left standing alone with ourselves. This can happen at any time for any number of reasons. All the kids finally leave home. You get divorced or are widowed. You retire or are laid off. A serious medical diagnosis. Or, as in my case, many of these things happen within a short period of time. When life throws you a curveball or the rug is unexpectedly ripped out from under you, it can be overwhelming. After taking time to absorb the shock and feel ALL of the emotions of the experience you are having, it is the perfect time to begin your journey to self discovery. This journey is necessary to rediscover who you really are after all this time, what things truly bring joy to your life, and what kind of life you want to live from this point forward. This journey to self discovery is not for the faint-hearted. It will take some real soul-searching and honest reflection. It may require some difficult decisions. It may necessitate some changes in the way you live your life or the people in it. I began this journey in earnest about a year ago when my marriage of almost 25 years ended. When the future I had planned was no longer a possibility, I had to do some heavy lifting to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I was no longer someone's wife. I was no longer a hands-on, day-to-day mom. I was no longer part of a cohesive family unit. I was no longer a corporate lawyer. Without these labels and these roles, who really was I? I thought back about the person I was before I got married. That person was an individual in her own right with her own distinct dreams and plans. She had an energy about her and an enthusiasm about life that had somehow dimmed along the way. I decided I needed to get back to that person taking along with me the life lessons I had learned over the years. The combination of that energy and enthusiasm with the wisdom I had acquired would be a very powerful one indeed. I am by no means done with my self discovery journey and I honestly believe that it should be one that continues for a lifetime. But I can provide you with some tips that have led me to the happier place I am now. You can use this travel guide whenever you decide to take that journey to your own self-discovery. WHAT TO PACK: Courage-You are going to need courage to take an honest look at yourself and your life and make an assessment of what should stay and what should go. Some changes may be hard if you have really put yourself on the back burner and need to get your mental and physical health back on track. Maybe you haven't set proper boundaries with people in your life and establishing those new limits will be difficult to impose and difficult for others to accept. But it is time to dig deep for that courage and make the changes necessary to rediscover yourself and what is important to you. Vulnerability-This journey will also require you to be vulnerable. Take a close look at mistakes you have made along the way and take responsibility for the role you have played in straying away from your authentic self and the difficulties you have faced. Compassion-After you have done an honest self-assessment, make sure you have compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and choices along the way. You did the best you could at the time. As Maya Angelou said "When you know better, you do better." Also, have compassion for the people that have hurt you. This doesn't mean you have to allow them to continue hurting you or that you have to accept their behavior, but understand that everyone is just doing the best they can. There may be reasons you aren't aware of that causes someone to make a choice you don't understand. Curiosity-You will need to bring a healthy dose of curiosity on this journey. Spend time really thinking about the things that bring you happiness. What were you doing and who were you with when you think back to times you really felt joyful. What are those things that you have always wanted to do, but were too busy or they seemed impractical. Learn to play an instrument, plan a trip, join a tennis league, volunteer for a cause that is important to you, write a book? Maybe start a blog? :) Also, what kind of lifestyle do you want to lead going forward? What activities and hobbies do you want to incorporate into your everyday life. What about your surroundings? Do they reflect your truest self? Are you happy in the suburbs or do you want a more city vibe? I decided to move from a traditional house in the suburbs to an apartment in Saratoga Springs where I can walk everywhere and there is always something going on. I didn't realize how much I wanted this lifestyle until I actually did it. It brings me great joy. Excitement-This is the most important thing to bring with you. This journey of self discovery is exciting. You will uncover new truths and reveal things about yourself that you may have forgotten. Perhaps your introspection will confirm that you are on the right track with where you are and feel grateful and peaceful with that knowledge. If you discover that the way you are currently living is not in alignment with your authentic self, this is great news! Knowledge is the first step in making changes. You can dig deeper to figure out exactly what changes you want to make and start taking action to create a more fulfilling life. THINGS TO DO TO FIND THAT INNER VOICE Walking-Walking and listening to podcasts is literally one of my favorite things to do and brings me great peace. I go for walks with some of my best friends: Brene Brown (Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead), Glennon Doyle (We Can Do Hard Things) and Oprah Winfrey (Super Soul). These women provide great insight into things that block our happiness and teach us how to become unblocked. Even when I think a podcast isn't going to be particularly interesting or relevant to me, I am always surprised to gain some new knowledge or a different way of thinking about something going on in my life. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my walks and podcasts! Meditation/Journaling-I started a practice of meditating 15 minutes every morning when I wake up. I read the daily entry from Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie and then turn on meditation music and a timer. Focusing on my breath and thinking about the message from the book starts my day in a positive way. I have noticed that my general mood is calmer after starting this meditation practice. Some days I am able to completely relax and zone out, other days I have to constantly push thoughts away. But it is a "practice" that I will keep working on. I honestly don't journal as much as I should, but I can say that when I do it really helps to get all my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. It clarifies things and often helps me to make sense of some of my emotions. I should definitely do this more and it is always recommended as a helpful practice in self discovery so I included it in the travel guide. Yoga-When I do yoga on a consistent basis I am always amazed at the impact it has on my life. My muscles are less tense, my flexibility is good and I feel great! This exercise impacts both mind and body so you get a double whammy! If you notice, the first three things to do all involve some level of stillness or inward focus. It is necessary to quiet the mind of all the useless (and often negative) chatter to hear that soft inner voice that has all the answers for us. Once you start paying attention to it, you will notice that it nudges you when something feels off or not right. If we are not still or quiet enough to pay attention, it gets lost in the chaos. Self Care-For me this is something that definitely got neglected. I have discovered how amazing it feels to really take care of myself. For me this not only means getting exercise (my walking and yoga, as well as a little strength training), but also taking the time to nurture my physical self. If it fits into your budget, getting periodic massages and getting your nails done are small things that reap great rewards. Even if your finances don't allow for those things at the moment, doing self care things for yourself shows that you are worthy of that time and attention. You feel better about yourself when you have taken the time to give yourself the nurturing and care you provide others. I have what I call Self-Care Sunday when I do a face mask, hair mask, slather on some extra lotion and put on my coziest sweatpants and read a good book or watch a show I enjoy. It is rejuvenating and re-energizing after all that self-discovery work. Therapy-I cannot overstate the importance of being able to talk to a neutral third party that can provide fresh insight or lead you down your path of self discovery. Talking to my therapist I have discovered things that were impacting my choices and decisions that I wasn't even aware of. Having this insight or knowing where you may have some work to do to clear up some feelings is invaluable in getting to your authentic and wholehearted self. THINGS YOU CAN SKIP ON THIS JOURNEY Self Pity-It is very easy to get stuck feeling sorry for yourself when things don't go as planned or someone disappoints you. However, in order to find your joy, you cannot stay in this place. The one constant in everyone's life is change so you have to realize that these things happen. If the pandemic has taught us anything it is that we truly don't have any control over things so we just need to go along for the ride. When something happens that disrupts our life, we need to Shake It Off (in the words of Taylor Swift) and look at it as a directional pointing us toward a better path. Negative Energy-When bad things happen, which is usually why we set off on this journey of self-discovery, it is easy to become pessimistic and focus on everything that went off track or how people did us wrong. There is some benefit to spending a little time in this space to learn the lesson it can provide and to make different choices the next time. Once you have made that assessment, it is time to move forward and pull out that curiosity and excitement you packed to bring on this journey. Positive attracts positive. A good mood and good energy will bring good things into your life. This also applies to the people you surround yourself with. Make sure those closest to you are supportive of this journey of self discovery and are encouraging of your efforts to find joy. Numbing-As hard as some of this self-reflection is, it may be tempting to numb any hard emotions you are having with busyness, excessive activities, alcohol/drugs, sex, shopping, or any other things that distract you from your feelings. Not feeling those uncomfortable feelings will inhibit the growth that comes from dealing with the truth of what you are discovering. Numbing is only temporary and can actually cause more heartache and disruption in the long run. Dating Apps-If your journey to self discovery finds you traveling solo, take the time to learn to be by yourself. You may think getting back out there and finding someone to fill your time with will make you feel better. It might temporarily, but it can be just another form of numbing. It is important to focus on yourself during this journey so you don't get confused by the voice of someone else when you are trying to figure out what YOU want. This journey takes a lot of time and energy and you will be a more attractive partner when you are finally in your own power and living your most authentic life. You will also attract someone who is aligned with your discovered (or re-discovered values) and that will lead to a stronger more authentic connection. Looking back at the past year, I realize that I was in no place to put myself out there and use my energy to get to know someone else until just recently. I am finally at a place where the thought of possibly meeting someone new is interesting, but I am also so enlightened by my journey that I don't NEED it. That feels like the best place to be for me. By following this travel guide in my own journey to self-discovery, I have learned many things about myself. I am feeling empowered by my independence and am happy with the choices I have made after really thinking about what I want this second half of my life to look like. It has been painful, difficult, eye-opening, humbling, joyful, exciting, unexpected and adventurous. I still don't have a complete picture of where this journey will take me, but I know for certain I am heading in the right direction. As the quote above says, I have always had the power, but I just had to figure that out for myself!